I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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