u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
