I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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