hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
