Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
