Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
