Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
