i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
