butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
