my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
