Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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