Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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