Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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