Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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