3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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