she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
