Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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