He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
