he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
