You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
