And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
