I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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