apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
