dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
