If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
