Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
