My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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