so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
