Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
