I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
