party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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