i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I want a musical about memes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
