Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
