We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
