I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
