There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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