Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
