Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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