Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
