then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
