i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
