She's JV to your varsity
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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