dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
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