Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
