Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
