You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
