How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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