She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
