i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
