so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
