ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
