i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
